aday

Powered by Pikchur.com

I have made a new post to IDK. I messed up and can’t say I am sorry enough Hunting Her….

I guess I will be finishing my other on hold posts over the next few days.

I am sincerely sorry!

This will be my first true cross post.

I just got me a new one torn. Admittedly, I was wrong. I didn’t realize how out of hand things had gotten. At one point, I didn’t thing I was being taken seriously, now I know different. Problem is, I may have lost two of the best females I have ever met. Like I just told them in a conversation I had with the both of them… I am sorry.

I flirt. I flirt a lot. A lot of the time I don’t even know that I am doing it. Recently, I have realized that I have been flirting too much. If I have flirted with you, especially recently, I hope you understood that it was just flirting and meant to be harmless.

With the two ladies, it was different. I am not going to get into names or specifics. This is not to protect myself, but I think I have done them both enough of a disservice. I am sincerely sorry. They brought to my attention that I had been telling them both much of the same things. I can’t say I am sorry enough. I am especially sorry if I have hurt anyone.

I have a tightness in my chest. I realize my fault. I wish there was someway to correct the situation but there isn’t. Whatever happens I supposed I deserve what I get.

I have destroyed a confidence. I took for granted who I am and what effect I could have on other people. I try to tell everyone to read in context, but I guess I can’t fault you for not knowing what’s going on in my head.

There are no excuses. I wanted to make it right when I realized what was happening, but I realized I was weak. I have been more lonely recently and almost desperate. Someone often jokes that I am soft. The words she uses to describe me escapes me at the moment. The gist is that I am emotional and feminine, sometimes.

I have been lonely and sort of crying out for attention and accepting it where I could get it. In the midst of it all I have become something I am not and there is no excuse. You know the argument was made if I am going to do it, why do it where people are and interact with each other and the truth is that I never took it that serious. This time it was serious and I tried to stop it before it was too late but it was already out of my control. Now I am feeling stupid. I say again, I deserve it and probably a lot more. I may have gotten off easy. I don’t think it’s over though.

I was torn. Torn between someone who gave me all of the attention I wanted and needed and someone who seemed to want all the same things I wanted. When one wasn’t there, the other was and I just went with it. It wasn’t fair to either of them. I realize that. I seriously fucked up.

I apologize to you all for not being who you thought me to be.

I am being crushed by all sorts of creative block. I have several posts in my drafts.

The first, I realize is really important but I just can’t seem to get my thoughts together. For the second, I need to get my words right. It involves some thoughts about the opposite sex, possibly points to some conversations and some statements made to me about my dealings with women and so on. I have to be careful about this one in particular, because the title contains the the Internet handle of a friend. I don’t want to open her up to conjecture and stupidity.

The last one is about me and what I want. Women, my present, my future, my dreams…

In all, I want to get it out and don’t know how. I find that my blocks aren’t limited to my digital life. At work, my ideas don’t flow as freely. I get lost doing small things like editing a template.

I just want it all to get back to normal. I can do this, I am highly skilled in some areas but it seems that I am limited and bound right now.

The last few days I have been thinking of my next few posts. I normally don’t plan things out. When I write, I just like to let it flow.

Since last week, titles have been coming to me, albeit at least one started as a joke. I am thinking of “Hunting Her Love” & “A Skeptic’s Dream” as titles. Brit might remember the joke about “Hunting Her Love.” LOL at KC for help with that title. I am on safari now.

So far “Untitled” will be about the lessons learned during my recent unemployment.

I have so much on my mind right now and I am not sure how to get it all out. Thinking about the stupidity last week, how run down I have been lately, mentally and physically.

I am not OK. I thought I would be. I am well on my way though.

If you haven’t already, check out my blog I Don’t Know!.

I have made a new post to IDK. It’s an update on my present job situation entitled Finally, Some Good News.

Enjoy!